Well that was an interesting year of school. Tomorrow will have been a year of my Vet Tech classes, and guess what?

That's it!

No more school. Thanks to my lack of concentration because I don't know how to make my mind work when it doesn't want to, I got behind.

Well that wasn't the agreement with my dad. The agreement was keep up with the work, and apparently no extensions. So he's given me till the end of November to catch up. I'll only be caught up with the webinars by then, not everything. So... I'm not going to let my mom pay $75 for an extension of 6 months when he'll just stop paying after one month.

And before anyone says it, I did tell him why, and my dad being who he is doesn't give a shit. We had an agreement so it doesn't mattter what my reasons are. Not to mention to him they are just excuses like my depression and anxiety are. I just didn't want to do the work, so I didn't. I even told him that reading a book for pleasure was taking me months, when it usually takes me about a week maybe. But I'm lying. Just like I'm lying about making an effort to catch up. Because after all he isn't standing over my shoulder watching me do the classes, so he doesn't know that I'm not just lying.

So school will be over tomorrow, and I'll start it all over again whenever I can pay for it myself. And he doesn't have to worry about me asking for help from him ever again. I'm tired, I'm sick of being treated like shit, and treated like I'm less than my sister's and step-brother.

And no I won't say the year has been a waste. It wasn't. I learned some interesting things, and it will help for when I start over again. Not to mention I got to see a glimpse of what will come later.

But I will say I'm done with my dad, and hope to God I can stick to it this time. I've tried several times before, but failed. I'm a person that feels guilt very easily and over almost anything, so it's been really hard for me to stick with it. But I'm tired, he stresses me out, makes me more anxious and constantly hurts me over and over again. He doesn't even know it, nor would he care or believe me if I told him. After all I was the only one of 4 he didn't want and got mad when he found out I was on the way.

Sorry, I say too much when I vent sometimes.

But anyway I have another dad, one that actually loves me. He doesn't have to pretend he does. Yes, he drives me up the wall sometimes, but he actually is proud of me for things and it's obvious by the look on his face when he tells people I'm his daughter. So I don't really need Richard, just like he's never needed me. If he did he would have told me about his knee replacement surgery last week instead of letting me hear it from my Aunt who I just happened to run into.

Oh well. Be back online whenever.